Virginia Tomorrow

Experience a root canal without the cost. Spend an afternoon with the Virginia Register of Regulations (http://register.dls.Virginia.gov). 

How many pages of regulations do you think it takes to govern a “business-friendly” state like Virginia?  A thousand?  Two thousand?  Three?  Four?

Close to five. 

Nearly five thousand pages. 

(I checked the Bible this morning.  That gang of regulators covers a lot of ground.  Only took them 1140 pages.) 

The pace and flow, the heft, of regulation in this state is such that updates are published every other week by the Virginia Code Commission.  This tome itself is book-length-the edition I spent some time with covers 20 areas of regulation and prints out at 175 pages. 

Every other week a new book of rules. 

Kudzu’s got nothing on Virginia regulation. 

Through August of this year alone, some 600 ‘updates’ have been laid on.

What’s covered?  Everything.  Everything under the sun.

Ever wondered what it takes to properly operate an escort vehicle to an oversized load on the state’s highways-not the load itself-the escort vehicle?

Relax.  I’ve got it for you.

–The escort vehicle shall be a truck not less than one-quarter ton-rated load capacity but not more than 17,000 pounds gross vehicle (GVWR) or a passenger vehicle of not less than 2,000 pounds of gross weight.  (That narrows it down-it’s got to be a car or truck.)  Escort vehicles shall not resemble nor be confused with law-enforcement or safety-assistance vehicles.  (How does one regulate confusion in a third-party observer?)  Escort vehicles shall be in compliance with all state and local registration processes required by the state in which the vehicle is registered.  Escort vehicles shall not be overdimensional [sic] or overweight while in use performing escort duties (Lest they themselves be subject to escort?)  They are not permitted to pull a trailer of any kind while performing escort duties and shall have an unobstructed view through the rear window.  (Uhh…how ’bout the front one?)

–All escort vehicles shall be equipped with a two-way radio communication system to maintain communications between the permitted vehicle driver and all escort vehicles in the group.

–Front or lead escort vehicles are required to have a height/hot pole when required by permit. (Nothing like requiring something when it’s required.)  While performing escorting duties the pole shall be extended at least three inches above the specified height of the vehicle configuration being escorted

–Escort vehicles headlamps shall be on at all times while escorting overdimensional/overweight movements.

–All escort vehicles shall have at least one light, rotating or strobe, positioned on top of the escort vehicle  The light must be visible for a distance of at least 500 feet in all directions by approaching vehicles.

–Paddles shall be at least 18 inches by 18 inches with six-inch high lettering.  For greater visibility, a high-intensity flashing stop/slow paddle may be used.  (Paddles?  Beats me.)

–All flags used for flagging purposes (Not handkerchiefs.  Not tablecloths.  Not diapers.) shall be red or any highly fluorescent color, not less than 18 inches square and in good condition.  Flags shall be placed at the extremities of a vehicle load to identify overwidgth or secured at the end of the load to identify overhang.

–Individuals performing flagging activities shall wear a hard hat and a red or any highly visible fluorescent traffic vest or jacket of approved Type ANSI II or III.  (Other clothing optional?)

–Escort vehicles shall have signs, descriptive of the load, i.e.,”Wide Load” or “Oversize Load” or “Overweight Load.”  At a minimum, the signs shall be displayed in black eight-inch with a minimum of 1-1/4 inch brush strokes on a yellow banner.  The banner shall be mounted on the front and rear bumper of the escort vehicle.  (Or not.)  If displayed on the roof of the escort vehicle other drivers must be able to read the signs when approaching or following the escort vehicle.

–A minimum of one Underwriters Labratories (UL) or Factory Mutual Labratories (FM) approved, five pounds or greater, Type “BC” or “ABC” fire extinguisher shall be carried in the escort vehicle or escort vehicles.

–Reflective triangles or road flares shall be used to warn oncoming or approaching vehicles of a breakdown.

There is a section on “Escort Vehicle Driver Certification and one on “General Escorting  Guidelines”-fifteen of them.  I’d include those, but I’m pretty sure you’d reload the gun before getting through them.  I don’t want that on my conscience.

Finally, there is this:  Escort requirements are subject to change with individual consideration of weight, width, length, height, geographical location, or route of travel as determined by the issuing agent.  (Translation:  check back next week.)

Escorting an oversized military vehicle?  Forgetaboutit.  It’d take a month to get the rules into the word processor-and the rest of your life to make sense of them.

Of course, there is an upside to all this.  It is the government mantra these days. 

Jobs! 

It takes thousands of interpreters to translate all this government-inspired idiot-speak to you and me-lawyers, consultants, lobbyists-earnest folks, many of whom would otherwise be reduced to competing with head lice for a living.

And, yes, Virginia.  Head lice are covered in the regs.